Sunday, March 13, 2011
I had a commercial audition this week and the wardrobe specified was Safari Mom. Therefore, I proceeded to wear somewhat baggy khakis tucked into tall boots and another three variously hued brown items layered on the top. This looked somewhat like an old-timey director without his giant megaphone but I figured close enough to Safari Mom to get the job done.
I arrived at the joint to find other groups of specifically clad people: Retiree Asian Biker Gals, Middle-Aged Pudgy Workout-Fanatic Guys...you get the idea.
The spot was for The Lottery and a casting associate came out to the full waiting room to give us all the explanation:
"You've just won the lottery! So come in and we'll interview you and ask you what your life was like before and now after winning the lottery! Get really creative about what you're gonna do with your life now--something you've always dreamed of! And let it be unexpected--maybe you're a landscape architect and now you're gonna climb mount Kilimanjaro! Come up with something really good! You've just won the lottery!"
Um. Ok. You want me to be creative and original so why was I told to dress like Banana Republic circa 1985?
When it's my turn, I'm called into the room but before I can get some much needed clarity, the camera's already rolling.
Deadpan Camera Man: "So. Tell me how your life has changed since you won the lottery."
Me: "Wow! I'm so excited! I'm going to race car driving school! It's always been my dream. See, I'm a mom of two small children and between that and the minivan, I never get to drive fast. So I can't wait!"
Deadpan Camera Man: "What about the safari?"
You've got to be kidding me.
Me, always the professional: "Oh! Well, hey, since I just won the lottery I'm gonna do that too! Ha ha! I can't wait to go!"
DCM: "Look around. What do you love most about Africa?"
If you'd have listened to the future tense I used a second ago, you'd know that I'm planning on going. I'm not there yet, jerkoff.
Me, at somewhat of a loss but looking around at Pretend Africa nonetheless: "The light. And the way the elephants swing their trunks."
Yeah, I said that. Lame.
DCM, shutting off camera and ushering me out: "Great. Thanks."
No, thank you, Captain Improv, for throwing me under the bus and undermining me.
Well. It's no safari but here's a true adventure--baking vegan things!
I (perhaps like you) had extreme trepidation when pondering this recipe but I can happily report that these are delicious! I've had to get creative on this cleanse. It's day 16, my zeal has waned a bit and I needed the feeling of a baked good in my mouth to keep me going. Seeing how I'm not allowed wheat, sugar or dairy, this seemed impossible until I found this "scone" recipe on the Clean website. The official recipe calls them scones but mine spread out a bit, like a cross between a scone and a cookie. Instead of rolling them out (read: I'm lazy), I just dropped them on the sheet and baked them. They're not as good as these but they certainly did the trick.
Vegan & Gluten-free Chocolate Walnut Scookies
adapted from Jenny Nelson
yields about 10 or 16 smaller cookie sized
scant 3/4 cup coconut oil (measure this while solid and then melt before using)
1/4 cup water
1/2 cup pitted dates
1/2 cup chopped walnuts
1/3 cup vegan chocolate chips (or chopped dark chocolate)
1 cup all purpose gluten-free flour
1t baking powder
1/4 t baking soda
2 big pinches sea salt
Preheat oven to 350. Mix the flour, baking powder, baking soda and salt together in a bowl. Mince the dates as small as you can and put them into a different bowl with the coconut oil, water and vanilla. Incorporate the wet ingredients into the dry until it holds together and forms a dough. Stir in the walnuts and chocolate. On a parchment covered baking sheet, drop dough in 2T blobs an inch apart. Bake for about 16-20 minutes. It's kinda hard to tell when these are done--they are dry to the touch and get a tiny bit golden.
Variation: add 2T unsweetened cocoa powder and a bit of extra sea salt on top...
Happy gluten-free vegan baking! And wish me luck for my final cleanse week.....