Recently, David, Louis and I were lunching on a crowded outdoor patio and a man sauntered in with a rabbit on a leash. Before you start thinking that might sound darling, let me just say: this was no bunny. It was one of those behemoth, toddler-sized rabbits meant for wild, deep woods. Its keeper was smug (not unlike those ballsy people who walk around in public with birds perched on their heads), and talking way too loudly for the benefit of every living soul on the patio. It worked: every single one of us stared. A mousy woman trailed behind, his reluctant cohort. She looked somewhere between mortified and clueless. I tried to picture reasons why she might be accompanying him--sympathetic sister, perhaps? Blind date? Parole officer?

The Keeper and his Lady sat down under an umbrella. Then he unleashed his cottontail, hoisting the immense rodent onto his lap while it rigorously pumped its hind legs as if to say I belong on the ground, fool! The man then tried to act natural, combing his fingers repeatedly down its back, enjoying the attention while he talked to his friend(?).

As we wrapped our heads around this spectacle, I glanced around the patio. In the most perfect turn of events EVER, the young woman at the table next to us was doing some sort of portable craft that involved stab stab stabbing a needle into a little felted figurine shaped like (wait for it) a rabbit.

A small beagle represented us all by having a frantic barking fit, adding to the kerfuffle and The man turned to it (but really all of us) and half-yelled, "Bet you've never seen that before, huh?! A rabbit in a cafe!?"

Just then, Louis Rocket, a toddler-sized toddler and lover of all doggies, started wildly pointing his chubby fingers and yelling, "Dah! Dah! Dah!" ("Dog! Dog! Dog!") The entire patio, even the needle stabber and the Rabbit guy's Lady, swiveled their heads to enjoy him.

I glanced at the Keeper. His eyes were downcast, his shoulders slumped. The rabbit, however, looked oddly satisfied.



And now, something delicious both a toddler and a rabbit would love*:

*Did you think rabbits only ate carrots?

Toddler Banana Pancake
serves one toddler (or one rabbit, probably)

1/2 mashed banana
1 egg, beaten
couple shakes cinnamon
tiny splash vanilla
minuscule pinch sea salt
1 T gluten-free flour (or flour of your choice)
1 t coconut oil, for cooking

Mix together all ingredients except coconut oil. Heat nonstick or cast iron skillet over medium heat, adding oil when hot. Pour in batter, cook for 3-4 minutes and then flip. Break into 1000 pieces before serving. For either toddler or rabbit.


BTW:
I've missed you!
Sorry I've been gone so long!
This mom/life juggle has got me so busy, y'all.
Working it out, working it out.

Love
Love
Love,
Jolie

blueberry corn muffins

There's a street light just outside our kitchen window and it's one of the romantic, old-fashioned kind we have here in the Hollywood Hills. It doesn't jerk on in an erratic fit like a florescent. It turns up slow and thoughtfully like it's on a dimmer and has the warm glow of an incandescent. Pre-baby, I considered it good luck when I happened to be awake early enough catch the magic moment when it faded off. Now I just call it morning. In the last five months, I've watched the sky turn light more times than the rest of my life combined. And while I adore my cozy bed (oh man, I could write a serious love letter), I do appreciate the special stillness of our quiet early mornings now. I have a mini sidekick. We hang out and have breast milk and coffee (respectively) while we chat. We watch the street lights turn off and the trash trucks rumble by and the birds flitting about the trees. I narrate the scene while he watches intently and babbles along and tries to put every single thing in his mouth.

This gloomy morning as Louis sat in his highchair, I stood in the kitchen eating a warmed up muffin that I had brought back from the deep freeze and I literally thought: this is a game changer. When a reheated muffin is a game changer, your life is either super depressing or it's gotten smaller, simpler, slower, and hopefully sweeter. Let's go with the latter.

But seriously: HAVE YOU EVER FROZEN A MUFFIN AND THEN REHEATED IT? It feels like the same kind of magic as the street light, an everyday, mundane miracle. Not unlike spending your days hanging out with an infant.

Blueberry Corn Muffins
recipe from Giada DeLaurentiis
makes 12

1-1/3 cups buttermilk*
2 large eggs
1 t vanilla extract
1-1/3 cup all-purpose flour, plus 1T
1-1/3 cup yellow cornmeal
3/4 cup sugar
1 T baking powder
3/4 t fine salt
1-1/2 sticks chilled unsalted butter, cut into 1/2" cubes
1-1/2 cups frozen blueberries (do not thaw)

*If you find yourself with no buttermilk (like I often do), just use regular milk plus the juice of one whole lemon. These muffins are great both ways.

Preheat oven to 400F. Line a muffin tin with paper liners. In a large bowl, combine the buttermilk, eggs and vanilla. Whisk well and set aside.

In a food processor, combine the 1-1/3 cups flour, cornmeal, sugar, baking powder and salt. Pulse a few times until mixed. Add the cold butter cubes and pulse 5-10 times until the butter is cut in finely and the mixture looks like coarse meal.

Pour the dry ingredients into the buttermilk/egg mixture and fold them in until just combined. Do not over mix.

In a medium bowl, toss the frozen blueberries with the 1T flour. Add them to the batter and gently mix them in.

Divide the batter amongst the 12 liners, mounding it up in the middle. Bake for 20-25 minutes until a tester comes out clean. Cool in the pan for 10 minutes and then remove to cool further on a rack.

If you wanna freeze these (or any muffins, for that matter), cool completely, wrap them individually in plastic wrap and then seal in a freezer bag. To reheat, stick them back in the muffin tin and pop them in a 350F oven until heated through, about 12 minutes. Try this and then tell me it's not magic.

xoxo
jolie

pumpkin cranberry bread

It's almost Thanksgiving! (My very most favorite:)) Don't you just love Thanksgiving for all that it is (food, family, gratitude) and all that it's not (shopping, wrapping, hustling about)? I have so much to appreciate this year. So many blessings.

I can't believe I'm already in the home stretch of this pregnancy. At 35 weeks along, I'm seriously slowing down. And for someone who is usually on the go (and who kind of loves to be on the go), it's been strange and also surprisingly nice. It's not the kind of slowing down where you try and talk yourself into taking it easy. Physically my body is requiring it. I'll be standing there talking to someone and this one-track-mind urge hits me and I can't even focus on what they're saying because my whole body is screaming for a place to sit down. Take a load off, it says, put your feet up.

I imagine, too, it's awesome to surrender to this deceleration. Because once the baby arrives (I hear) you enter this dreamy, hazy, sleepy, sweet, intimate time where you just slow slow slow down to the baby's rhythms and take it all moment by moment. I can feel myself being lulled there. Mind if we finish this conversation lying down? My eyes are closed but I'm totally listening.

I had to run waddle to the grocery store early this morning to get a couple last items for my Thanksgiving dinner contribution and as I was enjoying slowly moving about and gathering this and that in the quiet store, I came upon one of my least favorite of the store's employees: a super swarthy and oily fellow who looks like he actually might tie someone to a railroad track while twisting his pointy mustache. This guy always seeks me out, too, despite my best efforts to avoid him. He's always switching checkout lines to bag my groceries and make awkward conversation. Let me put it this way: there is another employee there who has a hook for a hand and he's not nearly as scary as this dude. Here's how it went down today:


SWARTHY VILLAINOUS GROCERY FELLOW: "Hi."

Crap.

ME: "Hi."

SWARTHY VILLAINOUS GROCERY FELLOW: "I can't wait to see your baby."

I smile uncomfortably.

SWARTHY VILLAINOUS GROCERY FELLOW: "Can I see him?"

ME: "Um. Well, not now. He's still cooking. But I imagine someday you might see him."

Much to my chagrin.

SWARTHY VILLAINOUS GROCERY FELLOW: "What's wrong with your eyes?"

ME: "Uh…sorry?"

SWARTHY VILLAINOUS GROCERY FELLOW: "They look very sad today."

ME: "Oh."

SWARTHY VILLAINOUS GROCERY FELLOW: "Why?"

ME: "Um. I don't know. Maybe because I don't have any makeup on."

He looks closer.

SWARTHY VILLAINOUS GROCERY FELLOW: "Yep, you're right."

Awkward beat.

SWARTHY VILLAINOUS GROCERY FELLOW: "Are you happy?"

ME: "Well, I was. Before this conversation."

He laughs maniacally. And for the first time in a long time I wished I could make a quick getaway.

________________________________________________


Pumpkin Cranberry Bread
yields one loaf
adapted from Bobby Flay's Pumpkin Bread

Promise me you'll make this before you put all the pumpkin away this season. It's super moist and crazy delicious with those sweet-tart cranberries cutting through all the spicy spices.

1-3/4 cups all-purpose flour (you can sub up to half of this for whole wheat flour if you like)
1/2 t kosher salt
1 t baking soda
1/2 t baking powder
1 t ground cinnamon
1/2 t freshly grated nutmeg
1/4 t ground allspice
1/4 t ground cloves
4 T butter, softened, plus more for buttering the pan
1-1/2 cups brown sugar
1/4 cup canola oil
1 cup canned pumpkin puree (unflavored)
2 large eggs
1/2 cup water
1-1/2 cups fresh cranberries, rinsed, sorted and roughly chopped

Preheat oven to 350F. Butter a 9" loaf pan and set aside.

In a medium bowl, add the flour, salt, baking soda, baking powder, cinnamon, nutmeg, allspice and cloves. Whisk well to combine. Set aside.

In an electric mixer, cream the butter, brown sugar and oil together on high speed until creamy and fluffy, scraping down the sides when necessary. Add the pumpkin puree and mix well. Add the eggs one-at-a-time, mixing in between. Mixing on low, add the flour mixture a bit at a time, alternating with the water, until everything is just mixed in. Stir in the chopped cranberries. Pour into your prepared pan, bake for 75 minutes or until a toothpick/skewer tester comes out clean and let cool completely.



I'm thankful for YOU!
Hope you have the most Happy Thanksgiving:)
xoxo
jolie

P.S. Still need recipes for your TG feast? Joeycake has a "Thanksgiving" section in the recipe index!

blueberry oatmeal muffins and a gripping story about curtain shopping

Part of my pregnancy-induced nesting mayhem this past week involved scouring Los Angeles for the perfect new bedroom curtains (natch). After doing loads of reconnaissance online and finally making a curtain decision, I called a Pottery Barn store near me to see what they had in stock. I got a busy signal around 19 times, so my giant belly and I decided to go and see for ourselves. When I got there I fought the urge to ask them if their phone was off the hook. Or if they had a teenaged employee hogging the line.

I bee-lined for the drapes, immediately found what I wanted, and was promptly greeted by a saleslady whose cheer was surprisingly impressive.

"Hi, hon! How can I help you?" She asked.

"Yeah, hi. I need two panels of the 96" white sheer linen drapes," I said, pointing to the drape display in case she didn't understand words.

Her face twisted like she smelled rotten garbage.

"Oooh. I think we're out of those. Want me to check for you?"

"Yes, please." 

Using a metal cane, she hobbled out from behind the counter wearing a giant foot cast.

"I'll just go check in the back, hon. Give me a sec," she said.

"Step on it," I said.

She froze. The garbage face was back again, but this time much stinkier.

"Excuse me?" 

"Oh, God, no. I am so sorry. I was just kidding," I backpedaled. And then for good measure: "I hope your foot's okay."

She didn't crack a smile. This is when I became sure her cheer was false.

"I'll be right back," she grumbled.

At least 47 minutes elapsed. Then she slowly hobbled out from the storeroom and back to her counter.

"Just as I thought: we're out," she said.

"Shoot. How about another store close by?" I asked.

She stared and sighed. And then reluctantly clickety-clacked on her computer with her acrylics.

"Looks like the whole district's out," she said.

"That sounds serious," I said.

She didn't reply.

 "Well, can't I just order them online?" I asked.

More hostile clickety-clacking. If she got sick of Pottery Barn she'd make a great ticket agent at the airport.

"Nope. Says here the whole country's out," she said. 

"What? The entire country is out of white sheer linen drapes?" I asked.

"'Fraid so," she said, the tiniest smile forming on her thin lips.   

Just then, another customer sauntered up to counter to purchase some Halloween plates. She eyed Stink Face's bulky cast.

"Oof. Ouch! What'd you do? Break your ankle?" She asked, pointing to it.

Stinky was done. She sighed deeply and didn't attempt to hide her irritation.

"No," she snapped. "Just above the ankle."

Halloween Plates didn't take the hint. She pressed on.

"How the heck didja do that?"

"I slipped on my porch," said Stinky, stone faced.

Halloween Plates shook her head and whistled slowly.

"Been there, done that," she said, looking to me like haven't we all?

I didn't answer. There was a long pause while Stinky rang up Halloween Plates's Halloween plates.

"Well. Thanks anyway," I said as I backed toward the door. "Good luck with your foot."

Stinky gave me one more small stink eye. Then I nodded to Halloween Plates.

"And Happy Halloween."

No one will give you a stink face if you bake them these muffins. Warm baked goods pretty much guarantee zero stink faces. You can quote me on that.

Blueberry Oatmeal Yogurt Muffins
yields 12

Using yogurt helps keep these deliciously moist and adds a little tangy zip. Sprinkling turbinado sugar and a few oats on top before baking gives these babies some nice sweetness and texture. And feel free to use a mixture of berries instead--raspberries are particularly great. This is the perfect use for frozen fruit and you can just mix it in without thawing.

3/4 cup all-purpose flour
1/2 cup whole wheat flour
1 cup rolled oats
1/2 cup packed light brown sugar
2 t baking powder
1/4 t baking soda
1/2 t kosher salt
1 t ground cinnamon
1/4 t ground nutmeg
1 egg
6 T butter, melted
8 oz. plain yogurt (you can sub buttermilk here if you like)
1 cup fresh or frozen (don't thaw) blueberries or mixed berries
turbinado sugar and extra oats for sprinkling on top before baking (optional)

Preheat oven to 400F. Spray a muffin tin with cooking spray or line with paper liners. In a medium/large bowl, combine the first nine ingredients. Whisk together and set aside. In a separate bowl, lightly beat the egg. Add the yogurt and melted butter and mix well. Add the wet ingredients to the dry, stirring just until everything is incorporated. Scoop the batter  into the tins, divvying it up for 12 muffins. Bake for 20 minutes or until a toothpick inserted in the center comes out clean. Let the pan cool on a rack for 5-10 minutes and then remove the muffins, cooling another 20 minutes. Serve warm.

You can also bake muffins now and freeze them for later. Here's how.

Happy Weekend, loves!
xoxo
jolie

P.S. I'm not even a mother yet and I find this tumblr site to be amazingly funny:)

chocolate coconut granola

I had a lovely, sunny hour to kill between auditions yesterday and decided to treat myself to lunch outside since it was such a glorious day. The restaurant I chose had a lively and full patio and my sandwich and I parked at the only open spot: smack next to a table of two women having the most LA of LA conversations. Look, I am an LA woman and I cop to having LA conversations about gluten and psychics, but I do it with a full-on awareness of how LA I'm being (here's hoping).

The one who held court was brunette. She was tall and willowy and wore a straw cowboy hat. A bandana was tied around her neck and she had lots of beads on her person. Her blonde companion was petite. She leaned forward on her miniature elbows and her small frame was engulfed in a billowy, puffy shirt. Between them sat a cheese plate that they picked at. Which surprised me because dairy.

"I find myself barefoot a lot in my house and around my garden," Bandana said. "I find it really helps me connect to the earth."

Puffy Shirt folded her legs underneath her on the chair. She squinted thoughtfully at her companion and gave a slow nod.

"I'm sure it's because of my heritage," said Bandana.

"What's your heritage?" asked Puffy.

"'What isn't my heritage?' is a better question."

Bandana launched into a several-minute soliloquy about the copious Indian tribes she had a percentage in. Choctaw Nation was dropped multiple times. She then moved on to pontificate about her Great Great Grandfather's connection to other native peoples. Puffy never interjected, she just let Bandana go on and on. I actually half-expected Puffy to have nodded off, but when I snuck a glance, she seemed as riveted as me. Although possibly for different reasons.

My peripheral vision was killing me so I turned my attention back to my sandwich and took a few bites. Just then, Puffy leaned down to pet her service dog, a little weasel with brown eye gunk who didn't seem to be servicing much more than the restaurant's floor. Bandana clocked this.

"You have to meet Mr. Adzuki Bean," said Bandana.

"Who's that?" Puffy asked.

I was hoping it was one of her ancestors.

"My dog," said Bandana as she swiped her phone, finding the right photo to share. 

"Aw, he is adorable."

Puffy leaned in to get a better look.

"He's just a tiny little chihuahua but he has a giant spirit," said Bandana, fingering her beads.

"I can see that." 

Huh?

"He's been here before," said Bandana, evenly.

"Oh, to [super delicious gourmet LA lunch spot]?" Puffy asked.

Bandana chucked ever so slightly.

"No. He's been on this planet before. He's an old soul."

Puffy looked genuinely interested. She stood corrected.

"His eyes are the color of topaz."

"They sure are."

Obviously, I could've sat there all day but my sandwich was gone and I had to go pretend to need psoriasis medicine at my next audition. But I will say this:

You're welcome.

How about a super-LA snack, coated in a superfood? It's like, so LA. Bonus: legend has it, granola was a staple of the Choctaw Nation.*

Chocolate Coconut Granola
yields about 7 cups

This is great on plain yogurt, ice cream, or just eaten by the fistfuls. Feel free to tinker with the amount of maple syrup if you like it more or less sweet. And you really can use any nuts you like, these are just my faves.

4 cups rolled oats
1 cup unsweetened coconut
2/3 cup sliced or chopped almonds
2/3 cup walnut pieces (these can be halved or chopped)
1 t cinnamon
1/2 t kosher salt
1/3 cup coconut oil
2/3 cup maple syrup (or honey)
1 t vanilla
1/2 cup raw cacao powder

Preheat oven to 300F. In a large bowl, stir together the oats, coconut, nuts, cinnamon and salt. Mix well and set aside. In a small saucepan over low heat, add the oil, maple syrup and vanilla. Melt together and stir well. Add the cacao and whisk until incorporated. Pour this wet mixture over the dry ingredients and stir stir stir until well mixed. Spread onto a rimmed baking sheet and bake for 60-70 minutes, stirring every 15 minutes or so, until toasty and golden. Cool on the baking sheet.

xoxo
jolie

*I lied. But here are some actual traditional Choctaw recipes  if you're feeling inspired.

chinese foot massage 101: it'll knock you off your feet

{this article also appears in the Huffington Post}

I must be a glutton for punishment. Not only do I frequent the Korean Spa, I often spring for cheap, sub-par treatments at Chinese Foot Massage places. While I'm lying there suffering, I wonder why I had amnesia concerning the torture I endured the last time around. Probably because they cost 25 bucks.

The place near me offers a sixty minute combo that, along with the foot reflexology, includes a full-body massage. The treatments all take place in a giant, dimmed room lined with rows of La-Z-Boy-style recliners. So you're all in it together (and fully clothed). This is just fine and poses zero issues unless one of the following (likely) disturbances occurs:

-coughing

-snoring

-farting

-clueless patrons using their outside voices

-massage therapists answering personal cellphones

-your husband giggling uncontrollably at the pan-flute rendition of any Elton John song

-they are simultaneously holding a meet-up for beginning jugglers

It's worth noting that these no-pain-no-gain treatments are strictly choreographed. There is no deviation from the routine. For example, try asking them to go easy on your sacrum and you'll be met with a blank-eyed stare and confused nod. Or try stopping a therapist mid-move ("Ooh! Too hard! That hurts!") and your protest will likely elicit laughter. Followed by firmer pressure.

The start of the session requires you to sit and drape your upper body over two pillows placed in your lap. These pillows look plush and fluffy until you put any pressure on them whatsoever, at which point they offer the support of a tortilla. So essentially, you're laying your belly on two tortillas while your back gets pummeled by a couple of pointy Chinese elbows. While there is massage happening, there is tremendous personal effort being spent to remain upright. And avoid pulling something. This is a real treat for the nervous system. The signature moves used by therapists in this portion of the hour include:

-Twist And Shout

-You Gotta Lotta Nerves

-Spinal Tap

-Digging For Clues

-沃爾坎火山死亡夾子**

(**The Vulcan Death Grip)

When you do get to finally enjoy the thrill of prostration, they swaddle you in a scratchy towel and proceed to work their way down your body. Starting with your head and face, you'll enjoy:

-Say Goodbye To Your Blowout

-Lice Ain't Nice

-Smell My Fingers

-Human Q-Tip

-You Look Better With Dimples


Next, they traverse the arms and legs where you'll experience such popular moves as:

-Whack-A-Mole (the skin lesion, not the subterranean mammal)

-Thigh-Master And Servant

-Knee-Deep In My Full Body Weight

-One Hand Tied Behind Your Back

-I Work My Fingers To Your Bones

After this routine, your entire head is smothered with a towel, Guantanamo-style, in preparation for the anticipated denouement. About now, you may be wondering why all these establishments have "Foot" in their name and yet the foot-rubbing portion only lasts one-fifth of the hour. Not to worry, you'll only ponder this for mere moments before your tattered nervous system shuts down, rendering you temporarily unconscious. Hence, there is no recorded history of any foot massage being administered to any person at any Foot Massage Place. Ever. Legend has it, this is the time when the therapists practice their juggling.

Korean Spa 101

Good Monday Morning to you, lovely readers:)

I submitted a comedic essay to the Huffington Post and was lucky enough to have it published this morning!

I hope you check it out and enjoy…………….

Korean Spa 101: Therein Lies the Rub

xoxo
jolie

missed connections/vegan carrot coconut soup

Missed Connections (by Joeycake)

*You were the three-piece-suit-wearing dandy on the corner of Santa Monica and Vine last Wednesday. I thought you were pretty formally dressed, seeing how you were three sheets to the wind before 9am. You were high-stepping and shouting gibberish, seemingly just for me. I was the one in the dirty Prius, waiting at the red light, hurrying to lock my doors. Remember when you did an actual jazz square while holding my gaze? Due to the fact that I was operating a motor vehicle, I wasn't able to get my phone out fast enough to safely capture photo and/or video of your exceptional shenanigans. I'm kicking myself for this now.



*I was the intrepid actress who prepared for hours, got off book, curled her hair and drove across town in rush-hour traffic to audition for your high-profile project. You were the Important Casting Director who decided to leave the room and let your assistant take over the taping duties right before my turn. Not to be a stickler? But your name did appear on my official appointment email. So you kinda shoulda been there. But it's cool. I'm sure you've been extensively training your 19-year-old assistant to give thoughtful adjustments and hold the camera without shaking it.



*You were the special of the day: the short-rib panini on buttered, toasted fresh country bread with caramelized onions and horseradish aioli. I saw your melty self being delivered to the lucky bastard in front of me in line. I seriously considered you but then, sadly, was the orderer of the bland salad. What can I say? I was trying to be chaste and carb-free. And where did it leave me? Just obsessively thinking of you later (all day, really, and part of the next). Not sure if you'll be there when I return, but a girl can dream.



*You were the main electrical board inside my fancy European clothes washer. I was just a gal, minding her own business, trying to wash a load of whites when you short-circuited. Not cool, main electrical board, not cool. You left me high and dry. Literally. And while I tried to be optimistic about replacing you, you had to play hard-to-get. I know, you're in Europe, you need time to get here, blah blah. But it seems like "two weeks minimum" is an awful long time. Not digging your laid back Euro attitude. Frankly, I think you're playing dirty. How ironic.



*You were a bag of carrots. I'd been looking past you for a week. There were more seductive things in the fridge, like white wine. And the extra short-rib panini I bought to have leftovers. I was the one who needed soothing after a particularly frustrating audition experience. And also after pulling my groin from stepping over heaps of dirty laundry. Did you see me? I clutched an onion and a knob of ginger while limping over to you, hoping you could grab your coconut friends and we could all make a connection...



Vegan Carrot Coconut Soup
serves 8

4 T coconut oil
8 cups peeled and diced carrots (about 2.5 pounds)
1 large onion, chopped
3 medium cloves garlic, minced
3 T minced fresh ginger
sea salt
6 cups vegetable broth
2 cups unsweetened coconut milk beverage (I used Trader Joe's brand in the carton)
zest and juice of 1 medium lime
toasted shredded coconut for serving (optional)

In a large soup pot, heat the coconut oil over medium heat. Add the carrots, onion, ginger, garlic and a good pinch of salt. Sauté, stirring occasionally, until fragrant and soft, about 10 minutes. Add the broth and bring to a simmer for about 25 minutes or until carrots are very tender. Add the lime zest. Transfer to a blender in batches to puree. Return the smooth soup to the pot, add the lime juice and coconut milk. Heat thoroughly and taste for salt. Add a little more broth if you want a thinner consistency.  Serve with a sprinkling of sea salt and a few shreds of toasted coconut if you wish.

xoxo
jolie

P.S. how to do a jazz square

frozen chocolatey bananas

I tend to sometimes get a smidgen impatient but it's been a freaking miracle for me to stay in-the-moment lately. It's no wonder: the moment doesn't even know what it wants to be.

In my (sweaty) shopping travels this past week I've come across:

giant peaches
school supplies
big, heavy watermelons
Red Delicious apples
fluffy cashmere sweaters
heirloom tomatoes
pumpkin Everything at Starbucks
Halloween candy and sunscreen sharing the Seasonal aisle
A lady with a goatee*

(*This is not a seasonal observation but it was upsetting to me nonetheless)

Maybe that's why I found myself at Whole Foods the other day and randomly felt drawn to the homeopathic flower remedies. I picked up their little informational booklet and turned right to the page for one called IMPATIENS. The description said: "For those who act and think quickly and have no patience for what they see...teaches empathy and understanding...fast-acting in alleviating an impatient attitude and lowering stress." I laughed out loud. (Bonus: it's fast-acting so you don't have to have patience with the remedy itself!)  I stuck it in my cart. And then ten minutes later (no joke) cursed under my breath at people driving like turtles in the parking lot.

But now it's occurring to me that my agitation could very well be collective since we're all bouncing around in this in-between-seasons no man's land. We're having to look past a pumpkin-latte display to order an iced tea, having to dodge Halloween candy to find sunscreen. Those things, along with triple-digit temperatures are enough to make anyone on-edge.

My solution (aside from the flower medicine) is to keep embracing summer and not pine for Fall, to remain blind to the autumnal items that surround us and not let them nudge us into frustratingly wanting to be somewhere we're not. That way we can be nicely surprised when Fall finally graces us with its presence. So. I hereby declare this weird hot-September-transisiton-season: FROZEN BANANA SURRENDER. We will use these icy treats to soften our irritated edges and cool off our hot tempers! Plus, what better reason is there to slow down than to savor a gourmet popsicle? With extra chocolate? And also sprinkles? Who's with me?!

And who will be our new season's mascot? Goatee Lady. Think about what amazing patience she must have employed while waiting for that facial monkey to grow in. So even though at first (and second and third) glance I found her disturbing, maybe she is the wiser one among us. Thanks, Goatee Lady, and kudos. An extra frozen banana for you. And an extra napkin in case you get any chocolate in (on?) your beard.

Happy FBS!

Frozen Chocolatey Bananas
yields 10 servings

For the chocolate, I used half bittersweet and half semisweet but you can use any combo that suits your fancy. If your bananas are very ripe and sweet, you can go a little more bitter on the chocolate to balance it out. Oh, and I know it sounds like olive oil will be weird here but trust me, its fruitiness is just perfect.

5 ripe bananas
8 oz chocolate chips (I used half bittersweet, half semisweet. See note above)
3 T olive oil
assorted toppings: sprinkles, toasted coconut, toasted chopped nuts (about 1/4 cup each)
popsicle sticks (alternative: bamboo skewers or wooden chopsticks)

After peeling and halving the bananas, stick a popsicle stick in the end of each one. Place on a wax paper- or parchment-lined baking sheet and freeze for an hour. Place the chocolate chips and olive oil in a microwavable bowl and microwave for 30 seconds at a time, watching carefully and stirring often (should take 1-2 minutes depending on your microwave). Remove the bananas from the freezer, dip in the melted chocolate (spooning it on if necessary to get it even) and then roll in the embellishments of your choosing. You can eat these straight away but they're better if you stick them back in the freezer to set at least an hour more. Enjoy!

xoxo
jolie

P.S. If you decide to get said patience flower remedy, don't make the mistake of telling your husband. He will test you by continuing to suggest you double or triple your dosage.

yogurt city

Holy yogurt! I didn't think I could love Pinkberry any more, but after getting to peek inside their Santa Monica headquarters, my crush has been reinvigorated. I want to live inside their office. It's all clean lines, palm-tree views, bamboo surfaces and white walls with bright color accents (and cow paintings!). Not to mention a FROZEN YOGURT MACHINE. I mean, c'mon.

Joeycake* was invited to a food-blogger event to taste some new flavors and try some of their new-ish combos. Did you know that Pinkberry has non-frozen greek yogurt? Me neither. They have these greek yogurt bowls with toppings that were so delicious. My unlikely fave was a savory one with olive oil, chili powder, persian cucumbers and sesame crackers. Crazy good. 

*I love saying this when it's really just me.

And this beauty? This is their new flavor of frozen yogurt launching in September: Butter Pecan, pictured here with bananas and candied pecans. Like frozen banana bread. Super autumnal and decadent.

Another fun thing? I met a couple of lovely and cool ladies, Sara and Mara, who have gorgeous blogs worth checking out (about natural living and fashion, respectively).

The PB folks nicely sent me home with a quart of their greek yogurt (that is available for purchase in PB stores) and it's so smooth--like Fage but creamier and without that gamey quality. I whipped up a batch of JC granola and they are a match made in heaven.

Happy Monday:)
Jolie

P.S. I'm new to all of this but it's worth saying: there is no pay-for-play on my blog. Anything I talk about here is because I want to and because I feel it may have value to you, too. xo

love on the rocks

To give you an idea of how busy it's been over here, Lena's retractable leash broke about a week ago and so we fastened two belts together to build her a makeshift one. (Ghetto, anyone?) Several days into this awkward belt-walking, I finally remembered to order a new leash on Amazon only now it's lost in shipping. I can't even deal with it. Thank goodness Lena is so understanding. And since all I can do is stress-eat and -drink lately, my pants have no chance of falling down sans belt.  So..........win/win??

Anyway.

All this to say that I've been meaning to post these pictures forever. Weeks ago, my sweet Mom and I had a couple hours together in LA and we spent them lunching and strolling around LACMA. I've been dying to see Levitated Mass, a 340 ton chunk of granite that, in an incredible feat of transportation and engineering, is suspended above a subterranean walkway. It was unveiled about a year ago and I had a mild interest then, but something's happened in the last couple months--I've become completely obsessed with visiting. It did not disappoint--there is some serious power in being near/under that piece of earth. It's just cool.

The last time I was at LACMA this happened so it was nice to be there in the light of day this time, not trying to stave off slumber:)

Happy 4th of JULY! Did everyone have a fun Holiday? I hope so. And here it is the weekend, too!  Bonus!

xoxo

jolie

P.S. This. Nylons????

P.P.S. Looking for a strawberry dessert? These are amazing.

fourteen mini-posts in one

1. My mom and I were once shopping in an old knitting store that was ridiculously crammed to the gills with yarn. It was stuffed into cubby-shelves and stacked high atop every available flat surface. While there was a great selection (understatement of the year) it was physically uncomfortable to be on the premises. It was like being trapped in a hoarder's apartment, like the yarn was swallowing you alive. At one point a skein threw itself on the floor in front of where we stood. My mom and I froze, staring at it until she said, "Even the yarn wants out of this place." 

This is not unlike Lena's crazy-thick coat this time of year. The hair is literally throwing itself out of her body in giant puffs. With all the brushing and vacuuming and bending over and picking up, I am counting it as an extra workout. 

2. I've made a bunch of impressive (if I do say myself) desserts lately for dinner parties. This red velvet cake was perfection. I reduced the powdered sugar in the frosting by 1/2 cup and omitted the berries, otherwise the recipe was followed to a T. I made it for a Sunday family supper and it even got rave reviews from my super picky five-year-old nephew who exclaimed, "I LOVE RED VELVET!!!" I second that emotion.

3. I made zero amendments to this Smitten Kitchen strawberry/rhubarb pie. It was a huge winner at a recent poker/dinner party. Even not being a huge pie lover, I whole-heartedly recommend this one. And her all-butter pie crust too. Yum.

4. Wish I could say the same, however, about this rhubarb upside-down cake. First off, it's not gonna win any beauty pageants. That would be forgivable if it was crazydelicious, but alas, it was sadly just so-so. I did a bunch of rhubarb recipe research and the most entertaining part about that was finding the extremely niche-y website The Rhubarb Compendium where you can not only search copious databases and learn everything you never wanted to know about the stalky vegetable with poisonous leaves, you can also buy a t-shirt that says Got Rhubarb? and participate in a poll by stating what color rhubarb is your favorite. The recipe section includes such gems as "Rhubarb Peekaboo" and "Cold Rhubarb Soufflé" and says things like, "Try this great tasting cake. Definitely one for all you rhubarb fans out there." I ask this: what non-rhubarb fan would be trolling The Rhubarb Compendium in the first place? Another fun feature is a Star Trek section including a recipe for some sort of Klingon rhubarb bread. Which makes me so perplexed as I know zilch about Star Trek. They had rhubarb up in space? WHAT?! If anyone can shed some light on this, please enlighten me. Anyway. I ran out of rhubarb and patience before I could get this cake recipe right for official posting and now I think rhubarb is past its prime season. I'm gonna go check The Compendium to make absolutely sure.

5-9. Yes, yes, yes, yes and yes.

10. For most of my life, my name has been butchered. I've been mostly called Julie but also not off-limits? Joelle, Josie, Jolene, Joey and Jody. Even Zoe. My seventh grade computers class teacher, Mr. Dotson, pronounced my name "Jolly" during every single roll-call for the whole semester. Early on, I made a handful of feeble attempts to correct him but they fell on deaf ears (perhaps literally) so Jolly I was. And wasn't.

After a lifetime of this, I recently started telling people my name was JJ (my actual initials) in order to avoid having to repeat/spell my name when ordering Starbucks or take-out food. You'd be shocked how many times this bright idea has backfired. Apparently, it's me.

11. I love words and I adore Bananagrams.

12. I just realized that Jacaranda season and rhubarb season coincide! Next year let's make a (much better) rhubarb cake and eat it under a canopy of purple trees! (DOES ANYONE KNOW HOW TO SAY 'JACARANDA' IN KLINGON?)

13. Game: Can you find Lena? Bonus points if you can spot any dog hair.

14. This is the view from my desk where I sit always. Can you tell I like trees?

Happiest week to you times fourteen!
xoox
jolie

P.S. All the pictures in this post are from my Instagram account as I am newly (and seriously) obsessed with Instagram. Are you? Let's follow each other! (I'm @joliejenkins:)) Check out the great photos of @arielealasko, @weelicious, @thiswildidea, @hirozzzz and @rebs820. So fun.