Guys! Is it too late for a Happy Holidays post? Let's pretend not. Happy Holidays!

I'm currently suffering from a severe case of the In-Between-Christmas-and-New-Year's lazies. Just now? Instead of getting up to grab my glasses three feet away (I wear glasses now thanks), I just squinted through several Buzzfeed "articles", a J.Crew online sale purchase and more Facebook scrolling than I care to admit. All while having to pee. It's not helping my condition that I have a cozy, sleeping dog next to me on the couch. She hasn't budged in 12 hours. Safe to say this affliction is contagious.

How was your Christmas (if Christmas is your jam)? Ours was spent at my mom's in San Diego where I ate my body weight in pork products. In my defense, we did take a few walks and I'm sure I burned a handful of calories lifting and glazing said pork. I feel like I gleaned some wisdom this year and (if I may be so bold) thought I'd share:

*Don't fight the ham. Just eat it.

*Will your husband remove a long, black dog hair from your face while you're mid-conversation with someone's father-in-law at a random Holiday party? If so, keep him.

*Have another strip of bacon. It's delicious.

*No matter how progressive she is, do not watch the movie DON JON with your mom. Unless watching porn with your mom sounds fun. Then please go ahead.

*Do cook things "for the family" that are really just for you. (things=Rice Krispy Treats)

*Don't be surprised if you find yourself asking your princess-crazed, three-year-old niece if she wants to take off her stole.

*More cheese? Sure!

*If you decide to swap out the Christmas-morning pancakes with gluten-free ones, don't tell your picky brothers.

*If you have a chance to perform a puppet show for your entire family, do it. You'll laugh until you cry. You won't be able to wipe away your tears because you'll have puppets on your hands, but it won't matter.

*Rice Krispy Treats are the second coming. After Jesus of course.


I just decided (it wasn't difficult) that I'm going to continue to do very little this week. Things will speed up soon enough. I hope you are having a super lazy and enjoyable time too. Happy, Happy Holidays, my friends:) I'm grateful for you.

xoxo
jolie*

*investigator of bacon-flavored Rice Krispy Treats for next Christmas


P.S. This song is giving me joy right now……..

grandma's pumpkin pie

I'm hosting Thanksgiving this year for a small group of family and I haven't done it in ages. My first time cooking the whole shebang on my own was about 15 years ago when David and I were newly dating. I enthusiastically volunteered to make dinner for about 8 people, including his Mom who was flying in from Connecticut and who I had only met once before (no pressure).

My out-of-state Dad (a cook extraordinaire) wasn't attending, so he'd sent me detailed step-by-step instructions (complete with diagrams) on recipe cards; his mother's recipes that he'd scrawled out in his jagged handwriting. I followed his instructions to the letter, prepping as much as possible the day before. I had picked up our fresh turkey and per his instructions, was preparing to rinse it, dry it well, then salt it overnight.

I didn't get around to unwrapping the turkey until quite late and needed to enlist David's help in lifting the behemoth. After which, we sliced open its plastic covering. The bird slid out into the sink along with a gush of pink fluid. We looked at each other in horror. We were in WAY over our heads. After I shimmied the bird's legs out of their plastic handcuffs, I pried open the icy cavity and stopped cold.

What was nowhere to be found on my recipe cards (or diagrams) was any information about removing the creepiest thing in THE ENTIRE WORLD. Despite the late hour, I didn't think twice before calling my Dad in Colorado and waking him up.

"Hi Honey. Is everything ok?" he answered.

"UM…..not really," I said. "What the CREEPS is this bony penis thing inside the turkey???"

 "Oh, that's just the neck." he said.

"Just the neck? JUST THE NECK?! First of all it's TEN INCHES LONG," I said, "Secondly, they cut it off and stick it inside of itself? That's horrifying."

 "Don't worry. You just remove that." he said.

"Oh. Ok. Thanks for telling me NOW."

 "…."

"This wasn't on the recipe cards!" I shouted.

"…."

"Dad? Are you there?" I think he fell back asleep for a second.

"I'm here." 

 "Ok. Hold on the line while I do it."

At this point David, who'd been standing slack-jawed during this mess, bolted and feigned deaf when I continued attempts to make him my accomplice. I finally pinched the meaty neck between a few (hundred) paper towels and made record time to the garbage.

"You also gotta get the organs out." said Dad.

Oh, joy. 

"There's more?! ORGANS?! WHY WASN'T ANY OF THIS ON THE CARDS?!!" I said, "I don't think my heart can take it."

"That's a coincidence because I think one of the organs is a heart."

Somehow I managed to hold down my dinner and finish the turkey autopsy. The next day went off without too many hitches and that Thanksgiving turkey was probably the best one I've ever made. Holiday success!*

You know what's WAY easier than raw-turkey-part analysis/removal? Pumpkin pie.


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Grandma's Pumpkin Pie
makes 1 pie

There are no bells and whistles here. This was my sweet Grandma's recipe that I've made just a dash spicier over the years. It's pretty basic but pretty freaking delicious. This amount of filling is perfect for a 9.5" pie. If your pie pan is smaller, you'll have a bit of filling left over.

1 recipe pie crust (note: If you wanna go from scratch, I love Deb's all-butter recipe on Smitten Kitchen but no one will complain/even notice if you pick one up in the frozen section of Whole Foods. It's already fluted in the tin and everything. They taste amazing and have no creepy ingredients. No one needs to know:))
3 large eggs, beaten
1 15oz can pumpkin puree
1 cup brown sugar
1 cup evaporated milk
1/2 t kosher salt
2 t pumpkin pie spice (buy pre-mixed or make your own)

If you don't do the Whole Foods shuffle, make your pie crust and let it chill for at least 1 hour (it can live in the fridge for a few days, otherwise freeze it). After it's rolled out and placed in the dish, chill again in the fridge for 15 minutes, while you preheat the oven to 400F. Now you're going to blind bake your crust (this just means pre-baking with no filling inside so it won't become soggy on the bottom). Line your dough with foil, pressing it lightly over the entire bottom of the crust. Cover the sides and edges gently too, then top the foil with pie weights (or uncooked rice or beans). Stick in the oven on a rimmed baking sheet and bake for 15 minutes. Remove the foil and weights and bake another 5-10 minutes or until the crust is golden. Take out and set aside.

While your crust is cooking, make your filling: combine the eggs, pumpkin, sugar, evaporated milk, salt and pumpkin pie spice. Stir until well mixed. Pour into the warm, pre-baked pie crust and bake for 10 minutes at 400F (keep it on that rimmed baking sheet in case of spills!), then turn the oven down to 300F and continue baking about 30-40 more minutes. Check as you go. When you lightly jostle the baking sheet, you want the edges to be set but the very center to be wiggly. The pie will keep cooking as it cools and will set beautifully in a few hours at room temperature. I always like to make these the day before.

Serve with fresh soft-whipped cream sweetened with a dash of maple syrup and vanilla.

xoxo
jolie

*Except when later that same weekend, we went out to breakfast and after I'd finished my eggs, I leaned over to pick at David's plate. His Mom clocked this, looked at her son and shook her thumb at me. "Well, she can really put it away, can't she?" I was horrified even though she to this day insists it was a complement.

P.S. I'm so grateful for you! Happy Thanksgiving!

love on the rocks

To give you an idea of how busy it's been over here, Lena's retractable leash broke about a week ago and so we fastened two belts together to build her a makeshift one. (Ghetto, anyone?) Several days into this awkward belt-walking, I finally remembered to order a new leash on Amazon only now it's lost in shipping. I can't even deal with it. Thank goodness Lena is so understanding. And since all I can do is stress-eat and -drink lately, my pants have no chance of falling down sans belt.  So..........win/win??

Anyway.

All this to say that I've been meaning to post these pictures forever. Weeks ago, my sweet Mom and I had a couple hours together in LA and we spent them lunching and strolling around LACMA. I've been dying to see Levitated Mass, a 340 ton chunk of granite that, in an incredible feat of transportation and engineering, is suspended above a subterranean walkway. It was unveiled about a year ago and I had a mild interest then, but something's happened in the last couple months--I've become completely obsessed with visiting. It did not disappoint--there is some serious power in being near/under that piece of earth. It's just cool.

The last time I was at LACMA this happened so it was nice to be there in the light of day this time, not trying to stave off slumber:)

Happy 4th of JULY! Did everyone have a fun Holiday? I hope so. And here it is the weekend, too!  Bonus!

xoxo

jolie

P.S. This. Nylons????

P.P.S. Looking for a strawberry dessert? These are amazing.

wing it!

My sweet niece Olivia turned three this past week and I made her these rad wings!! Don't you want your own adult pair immediately?

I found them on Pinterest via this site (which was a kid's spin on these adult ones from Burdastyle) and I referenced both sets of instructions to make mine. Because they look great all fluttery and not too perfect, this is an extremely forgiving project. Who wants fussy wings anyway?

That's just a little bias tape with ponytail holders on both sides sewn in for her little wrists...

Happy Birthday, darling O!
xoxo
jolie

P.S. If you decide you want to make these, I'm happy to answer any wing-related questions:)

whipped sweet potato casserole

After my Mom married my Vegan Stepfather, a steadfast tradition was born. It involved going around the table during special-occasion meals for everyone to take turns saying nice things--either what we loved most about the person-of-honor (Birthdays), what we were grateful for (Thanksgiving), or what inspiring thing we learned (every single other time we ate together, ever). They meant well (I do love the sentiment) but as a teenager this was somewhat hateful.  Not only did the food always get cold, but what 13-year-old likes being put on the spot?

**Backstory Alert: During this time my Mom and VSF ran a pretty huge personal development business that involved lots of travel. They were home much less than they were away (that's probably why they were hungry to create meaningful memories in the rare times we were all together as a family). While we stayed home with a (usually unstable) nanny, they worked and traveled with an entourage of staff, a mostly normal/lovely bunch comprised of many tried-and-true loyalists and a handful of newbies who circulated in and out, revolving-door-style. This entourage was around A LOT. All this to say: it was not uncommon to play the around-the-table game with loads of people at their frequent work-related dinners. Inevitably someone would cry during their turn and this really upped the ante for everyone else. And it sucked being one of the unlucky souls to go last; it was like grasping at straws to not repeat something nice that had already been said ("Um...I'm also so grateful for my health!"). Or try coming up with a brilliant nugget when you're dragged to a Birthday dinner honoring a brand new entourage joiner ("Congrats on your toupee being hardly noticeable!").

One year our family hosted an Orphans' Thanksgiving and there were upwards of 100 people dining in our living room (entourage and nanny included). The furniture was cleared out and replaced with rows of rented tables swathed in polyester linens and a buffet with multiple chafing dishes featuring all manner of vegetable-based dishes. It literally took over an hour to go around the table(s) while 100 of our "closest friends" pontificated thankfully. And bad idea of the century: we had all visited the plant-based buffet beforehand. I sat there watching my rubbery Tofurkey get tepid and my mushroom gravy get gelatinous and even as a kid I thought: this is bullshit. Its no wonder my brother Josh had the sense to flee to the neighbors' house down the street. Too bad I was such a good girl.

You'd think that particular incident (or much of my childhood, for that matter) would've scarred me for life but now that I'm a grown-up, I adore Thanksgiving. It's my most favorite. There are no presents to buy, it's just about gratitude and togetherness and food and family. I have, however, created some new rules for myself:

1. Food is eaten hot
2. Turkey is happening
3. Gratitude is imperative yet personal

Whipped Sweet Potato Casserole
serves 6-8
recipe from Epicurious

This is so freaking decadent. Plus the topping has CORN FLAKES in it. Genius. Do yourself a favor and remain in denial about the copious amounts of butter and sugar here. It a Holiday, right?:)

22 oz. red-skinned sweet potatoes (yams), peeled and cut into 1" pieces
6 T unsalted butter at room temperature
1 large egg
6 T sugar
1 t pumpkin pie spice
pinch sea salt

Topping:
1 1/2 cups cornflakes, crushed
1/2 cup chopped pecans
1/2 cup packed brown sugar
6 T unsalted butter, melted

Preheat oven to 400. Bring a large pot of water to a boil and cook the sweet potatoes until tender, about 15 minutes. Drain. Transfer to the bowl of an electric mixer and add the butter, pumpkin pie spice, salt and sugar. Beat until creamy. Taste for seasoning and then add the egg and mix well. Spread/pour the mixture into a greased 8x8 baking dish (Note: the dish can be made into advance up to this point. Cover and refrigerate and then bring to room temperature to continue.) Bake uncovered until the edges begin to brown, about 25 minutes.

Mix the cornflakes, pecans, butter and sugar until well incorporated and top the cooked sweet potatoes evenly. Bake an additional 10 minutes, uncovered, until golden brown and crisp.

xoox
jolie

P.S.  Happy Thanksgiving!  I'm so grateful for you that I'd get up and say it in front of 100 personal-development vegans!:)

lily pad

Wanna see the little stroller quilt I just made for my new sweet niece, baby Lily?

I continue to drool over/be amazed by all of Alicia's quilts--she inspired me to buy this book and attempt this log-cabin style. I love how there is some structure involved but also room for some haphazard magic...

I love the homey feeling of the hand-tied quilting. This might be my new favorite way...

Welcome, Baby Lily! I love you already!

Yay, babies and quilts!

xoxo
jolie

josh's nut butter

I grew up a middle child sandwiched between tortured by two brothers.

My older brother Tyler used to pin down my shoulders with his knees and let loogies drip down from his mouth until they were .0000000002 millimeters from my face before he'd suck them back up. And worse: fart into his hand and then cup it over my nose and mouth. How I endured this kind of sick torture is beyond me. I should be way more scarred. Maybe I am and I just don't know it.

I always tell people I was really shaped by The Muppets and All Things Jim Henson but as I write this I realize most of my sick sense of humor and general oddness must certainly stem from being farted on as an adolescent. Apparently that really shapes you.

Tyler could dominate me physically but my younger brother Josh tortured me psychologically. He'd do things specifically just to get under my skin. Like pee on the toilet seat (daily) in the bathroom that we shared. That was a real treat. Sometimes I'd sit on it when it was freshly sprinkled and sometimes I'd catch it hours later. Oh, would you look at that! I just thought of another thing that shaped me: Washing sticky boy pee off my thighs. Awesome.

I'm sure I fueled the fire with both brothers by whining and tattling........I was the Goody Two Shoes of the group and what's more fun than sticking it to her? They both got away with murder though. Josh was the cute one who could charm the pants off anyone, and Tyler was the cool one and I think our parents were a little scared of him.

Knowing our history, it's hard to believe that now my brothers are two of my favorite people on the planet. The amount that I love them is in direct proportion to the amount of grief they gave me when we were little. And knowing the evil they're both capable of, it's hard to believe they're both now upstanding members of society--Tyler, a business owner with a heart of gold and Josh, an entrepreneur-y business man with a razor-sharp funny bone who is also one of the best dads I know.

Who knew he was also a secret chef? Josh gave all of us giant jars of his (self-named) "Josh's Nut Butter" for Christmas after he started following The Paleo Diet. Since there's no sugar or carbs fun allowed, this concoction is a legal food choice (that happens to taste amazeballs). So he was sharing the love but mostly, I think he just loved hearing us all say we really enjoyed his nut butter.

Josh's Nut Butter
yields one quart

If you like almond butter and you like coconut, you will not believe how freaking good this is. We started enjoying it daily in protein shakes, spread on apples or unapologetically by the spoonful. Plus, if you're doing any kind of sugar-free, carb-free diet you will freak out that this is allowed.

1 16oz. jar creamy almond butter (with or without salt), at room temperature (see notes below)

1 16oz. jar coconut butter (make sure it's not coconut oil, you want the flesh in there)

2-5 packets Nu-Stevia powder to taste (Josh says it must be this exact kind.  I didn't argue.)

1/4 t - 1/2 t fine sea salt

1 T coconut extract (optional)

Place the jar of coconut butter in a pot of super hot tap water for 15-20 minutes to soften. Stir the almond butter for a couple minutes in its jar. Combine both nut butters in a blender or bowl and mix well. [I've used a blender but that said, once the blender seized and I ended up just stirring it by hand which was way easier than I thought it'd be. If your coconut butter is sufficiently warmed up this will be easy.] Mix in the contents of 4 stevia packets and 1/4 t salt. Taste and adjust as desired. If you want the flavor to lean a bit more on the coconut side, add the extract. With or without, it's delicious. Pour into a clean 1 quart (32oz.) jar and refrigerate a few hours to set. It's very viscous at first but chills to the perfect spreadable consistency. After it's set, store it at room temperature.

**Update on 5/21/12**

I've made several batches since this post and noticed that as the weather gets warmer, the nut butter gets runny due to the melting point of the coconut oil. To combat this, Josh recommends no-stir almond butter (This brand is great) which contains a bit of palm oil to keep it more stable. I've only found it in 12oz. jars which will just make your mixture a bit more heavy on the coconut (but still delicious). It also contains a bit of sugar which will require less stevia so taste as you go.

xoxoxo
jolie

10 years

10 whole years ago today I married my sweetheart--the most kind, funny, talented man. And we haven't stopped laughing since.

Here's to the next 10 years of amazing adventures. And also to eating dinner on the couch.

Love you, Chicken.
Love,
Chicken

grandma's italian biscuits

My Grandma was most at home in her kitchen. In fact, it's hard for me to picture her in any other room. Everyone used the backdoor entrance to my Grandparents' house, which was fitting: they were easy and informal and had an unspoken open-door policy. And you'd best stop by when you were hungry.  That backdoor dropped you right into the cozy kitchen, where you'd be overwhelmed by the comforting smells of something delicious that was always simmering, baking, toasting or roasting.

A giant wooden kitchen table was the centerpiece of the small room and Grandma would inevitably be bustling around it, flitting from pantry to fridge to cupboard, from countertop to sink to stove, stopping to swoop you into a big tight housecoat hug, greet you with a cheerful "Hi, Honey!" and promptly fix you a plate.

Her specialty was cake decoration and she fashioned Birthday and Wedding cakes for her entire family, designing them to order. And come Holiday-time, she made candy--a multiple of varieties--and divvied them up into special tins, wrapping and labeling each piece and then delivering them to all her family and friends. I've never known anyone who showed love through food more generously and gracefully than she.

I see her influence on me, my love for cooking and baking and feeding people. I suppose writing about and photographing food is the virtual way of feeding others, the equivalent somehow to dropping off a comforting quart of soup or loaf of bread. And I'm sure she is to blame for my love love love of cookies.  Growing up, whenever I visited we'd bake together. Usually rolled-out sugar cookies that I could cut with one of her million cookie-cutters and then decorate with sprinkles and colored sugar, red-hots and those little silver balls that look like BB gun ammo.

My favorite though were these Italian Biscuits, little frosted donut-shaped cookie-cakes that remind me of her more than any other food. They're deliciously soft and sweet, festive yet hardy. They take practical, non-fussy ingredients and make something special out of them. Just like her.

When my brother and I moved to California, she'd regularly send us cookie boxes filled with them. And when we'd come to visit she'd send us off with a giant box to take on the plane. As if it wasn't enough to feed you on your way into her home, she'd give you food to take with you on your way out.

So in honor of her passing, I'm sending her off with a batch. And virtually sending a batch to you, too.  I'm sure she'd be so proud and glad to see her recipe shared, a new way for her to expand her delivery territory. A new way for her to spread her love through food.

xoxo
jolie

Grandma Jenkins' Italian Biscuits with Icing

1/2 cup (1 stick) butter
1/2 cup plus 2T sugar
1/2 t salt
2 eggs
2 3/4 cups all-purpose flour
1 1/2 t baking powder
1/4 cup milk
1t real vanilla extract

Combine the flour and baking powder. Whisk together well and set aside. With an electric mixer, cream together the butter, sugar and salt for a few minutes, until light (we want the salt to dissolve thoroughly). Add the eggs and mix well. Combine the vanilla and the milk. Begin to add the flour mixture a bit at a time, alternating with the vanilla/milk mixture until all is combined. Do not overmix at this point. Wrap the dough in plastic and chill for at least an hour (2 is better).

Preheat oven to 350. Roll dough (by heaping tablespoons) between your hands into a tube and then bring the ends together to make a ring. Place them onto parchment-lined baking sheets and bake, 2" apart, for about 9-12 minutes. Watch these suckers closely--you want them to still be very pale on top, very light brown on the bottoms. Take care to not overcook. Cool on racks completely before icing.


Icing

1 cup powdered sugar
1 T milk
a few drops of food coloring
(have more of all ingredients on hand)

Whisk together the sugar and milk until you have a consistency between a glaze and a spreadable frosting. I almost always add too much milk at first so go slow. Add desired food coloring a drop at a time and mix well. Dip the tops of the cooled cookies into the icing and let the excess drip through racks onto wax paper or  parchment. If it's too thin and see-through once you start, add more sugar to the mix and then re-dip. I was going for a pale orange color (it's fall!) but it looked more like pale flesh (gross) so I added a couple more drops of red to make it truly pink. That was Grandma's favorite anyway.



{Carolyn B. Jenkins--------------1918-2011}

tarragon tuna salad

I love playing what my family has dubbed "Food Games". It's when we're all together (usually eating) and I ask my captive audience questions like:

If you had to choose only 5 foods to eat for the rest of your life what would they be?

or:

If you could never eat a certain food EVER AGAIN what would that be? What food(s) would you be willing to give up FOREVER?

At first they're like, "Really, Jolie? Again? You want to play Food Games again?"

And I'm like, "Yes! Yay! C'mon!"

There's a lot of hemming and hawing. But then everyone bends to my will. And these great, passionate conversations and discussions ensue. I love hearing the answers. You can learn so much about people by the foods they adore and detest. Isn't it interesting?? Ok. Maybe I'm just weird.  

My all-time favorite question of Food Games is:

What's your Fear Factor food? (You know, the one that makes you want to puke in a bucket and forfeit your chance to win a million dollars like those poor saps on that bad TV show Fear Factor who had to eat pig's bladders and/or still-skittering cockroaches?)

People are very passionate about their Fear Factor food.

Mine is egg salad. The fact that many people find this food delectable and actually desire it makes me shudder and dry heave. I can't even take it when someone is eating it near me. The smell? The texture?Yeek! Some people even have the nerve to bring egg salad on an airplane. That is the most selfish thing I can think of. Once, before a long road-trip with my friend Nicole, we stopped at Starbucks to get some drinks and snacks for the car. While in line, she innocently picked up an egg-salad sandwich wrapped in cellophane and without thinking I blurted, "YOU CAN'T EAT THAT IN MY CAR NEXT TO ME OR I WILL HURL!" She was like, "Okay then, psycho." and gingerly replaced it with turkey.

So you're gonna think it odd odd odd that while egg salad makes me squeamish, I can't get enough of tuna salad. I know it's just as stinky but for some reason it's thoroughly delicious to me in thought, word and deed.

My version has lots of crunch from the celery and onions. And sweet tartness from the green apples...

Add the tang of dijon and the zip of lemon...

The licorice-y minty lemony herby tarragon brings it all together...

Finish with a generous drizzle of good olive oil and sea salt and pepper and there you have it!

Tarragon Tuna Salad
serves 3 generously or 4 miserly

2  5oz. cans chunk white or solid white tuna
heaping 1/4 cup finely diced red onion
heaping 1/4 cup finely diced granny smith apple
heaping 1/4 cup finely diced celery
1 1/2 T finely chopped fresh tarragon
juice of 1/2 lemon
1 T dijon mustard
2 T olive oil
sea salt and black pepper to taste

Drain the tuna and use a fork to break it apart, if necessary. Combine with all ingredients and season to taste. Serve either in a sandwich or over lightly dressed greens. (I like to dress mine with a little lemon juice, olive oil, salt and pepper) Yum.

I hope you love it and it becomes one of your 5 foods:)

Yay, Food Games! 

xoxo

Jolie