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a little bit of gigantic news

Thursday, August 14, 2014


Well, what do you know? In the best turn of events ever, I am pregnant. Miracle-style, after four years of trying and all we've been through, we were days (moments?) away from beginning an overwhelming, invasive, extensive, expensive hormone protocol for IVF and I got knocked up naturally the cycle before.

It really took me some time to wrap my head around it. For a while, I was in this surreal limbo. I had to keep reminding myself that I was Pregnant(!!) and also not Not Pregnant. There was a ton of momentum in that Not Pregnant story. And then poof! That story was finished. It shifted my perspective on all the other areas in my life where I've felt stuck. It ignited my faith in a visceral way that I've never experienced. Things can feel for so long like they're never gonna change and then one day, before your very eyes, they do. And then you gotta go get yourself a new story. 

It was two days after I found out about my pregnancy that we learned about Lena's cancer and within two more weeks she was gone. The timing was not lost on me. It was like she waited until we had this imminent new love before she chose to make her transition. My tag-team beloveds: one coming, one going. And as tumultuous as it was during that time, having new life inside me and this upcoming adventure to anticipate was a blessing of a diversion from my pain over losing our sweet Lena girl.

As if my heart wasn't open before, now it's a wide-receiver. The littlest things touch me and bring me to instant tears. It's like the nail salon post times a million. I have so much to say about all of my experience so far but for now, I think I'll just leave it here. Except to say thank you so much for all of your support and love that were part of getting me to this now moment. Now: pass the kleenex, would you?

xoxoxo
jolie

"Faith is a place of mystery, where we find the courage to believe in what we cannot see and the strength to let go of our fear of uncertainty." -Brené Brown

P.S. Keeping in line with new beginnings, our baby BOY is due to arrive New Year's Day, 2015:)

17 comments:

  1. Oh my god, Jolie, I did not realize the timing of all this. What a joyful way to describe Lena's passing. I'm tearing up right now. It is so sad and yet, so befitting of her. What a beautiful post. I could not be more happy for you. This kid is SO DAMN LUCKY to have the two of you as parents. xo, Janae

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  2. I KNEW IT! Something about your last post made me think "She's got a bun in the oven." I can't explain why but anyhoo, WONDERFUL! Mazel tov!

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  3. Oh my gosh, Jolie, congratulations! What wonderful news. I am expecting my first child, too, and I'm so excited for you and your husband

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  4. I am so, so happy for you and your husband!! Such joyful news! You're going to be such a wonderful mama to this lucky little boy! <3

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  5. This is fabulous news and gives me hope to continue trying! Exciting! Hopefully your baby boy will be one day late- then we'll share a birthday. Congrats!!

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  6. Snoopy Dance!

    (Anne in StL)

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  7. Just the other day I was thinking about Lena's passing and wondering if you had found a new pup. Expecting a baby is even better! Congratulations on the news. Looking forward to seeing photos of Junior in the new year.

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  8. yipppeee! much love and congratulations!!!!!!

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  9. So so so so happy for you!!!!!!

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  10. This is so exciting, I am so happy for you! And the timing is amazing, I'm glad Lena made sure you guys were going to be okay :) Big happy hugs!!!

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  11. Oh my sweetheart, it's going to be wonderful. So dang happy for you both -- you three. So happy for you. xoxox

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  12. I feel so out of it. How ever did I miss this wonderful news. Congratulations to your both!

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  13. just catching up on my blog reading and am so delighted to see this! huge congrats!

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  14. Wow! Wow! Wow! Just read the wonderful news. Congratulations.

    Thank you too for including the information about dear sweet, sweet Lena - just incredible!

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