*If you're pretty sure your neighbor witnessed you doing some topless mopping while belting Les Misérables, avoid him like the plague for a solid four months and then pretend like nothing happened. Pretend. Like. Nothing.
*If a neighbor witnesses your dog pooping in their grass, apologize sheepishly even though all parties concerned (especially the dog) know it's going to happen again. Probably tomorrow if not sooner.
*If someone has a new baby, make them one of these.
*If the Neighborhood Watch Captain corners you to report that the seemingly normal neighbor-guy down the street indeed has an axe and a restraining order against him, make her one of these.
*If someone puts old dirty furniture or mattresses on the curb, it's okay to judge them.
*If you see a neighbor in another location other than the neighborhood, don't panic. You can either say hello or hide in the frozen foods section. Either is completely appropriate. Remember: you're in a unique position to confirm your suspicions about someone by what they have in their cart. Like, say, a pack-rat's amount of paper towels or Cool Whip. In either of those cases, it's okay to judge them.
*Know that if you choose to wear pajama bottoms while walking your dog, people can see you despite your fancy sunglasses. You will be judged. If that's okay with you, walk with your head held high. Unless your neighbor spies your pooping dog (see above).
*If you see a perfectly good lemon in the gutter, take it. It's fair game.
You'll need/want to squeeze it on this killer pancake.
Strawberry Oven Pancake
adapted from Lellie DeBoer
serves 2 normal people or 1 glutton (FYI: occasional gluttony is always normal)
This breakfast is SO easy and yummy and super fancy looking!
1/2 cup milk
1/2 cup flour
1/4 t salt
1/4 t ground cinnamon
3/4 cup sliced strawberries
lemon wedges & lots of powdered sugar for serving
Preheat oven to 400. Place butter in a nonstick pie pan, cake pan or cast iron skillet (8-10") and set aside. Beat the eggs and add in the milk, flour, salt and cinnamon. Whisk until major lumps are obliterated. Stick the pan with the butter in the oven and standby while it melts. This will happen fast and you don't want the butter to burn. If it browns slightly, this is a nice bonus. When all the butter is melted, carefully remove the pan from the oven and add the batter. Place it back in the oven for about 12 minutes, add the strawberries and bake another 4-5 minutes, until the sides are puffed and golden. Squeeze with lemon and douse with copious amounts of powdered sugar through a sieve. Serve immediately.
P.S. If you're in LA, come see me in this show!