A middle-of-the-night conversation in our house might go something like this:
D: [sneeze sneeze sneeze sneeze sneeze]
Me, waking up: "Are you okay?"
Me: "Are you okay? It sounds like you're having an allergy attack."
Me: "Are. You. O. Kay????"
D: "I cannot hear you."
Me: [exasperated sigh]
D: "Do you have the covers over your head?"
A conversation with a T-shirt vendor at the Farmer's Market might go something like this:
Me: "I think I'll take this shirt here. The green one with the chicken on it. It's so cute!"
T-shirt-selling Man: "That's a rooster, ma'am."
Me: "I know, I just like calling it a chicken."
TSSM: "Chickens are boring."
Me: "Excuse me?"
TSSM: "Roosters are way more interesting. That's why it's the logo of our T-shirt company."
Me: "Oh. Cool. Well, my husband's a chicken so that's why I want to get him a chicken shirt."
TSSM: "Is he afraid of something?"
Me: "No, it's just a nickname we have for each other. He's a chicken and I'm a chicken too. I guess you think that makes us boring, huh? Ha ha!"
TSSM (nonplussed): "That'll be fifteen dollars."
A conversation with DP while trying to write a blog post might go something like this:
Me: "Will you go put on your new chicken shirt?"
Me: "So I can take a picture of you in it. It's for the blog."
D (annoyed but pretending not to be): "Yes. Hold on."
[5 minutes later]
D (yelling down from upstairs): "It's dirty."
Me (yelling up from downstairs): "Crap. Is it super wrinkly?"
D (yelling down from upstairs): "Sorta."
Me (yelling up from downstairs): "Ok, just throw it on quick and come down here so I can take your picture."
[5 minutes later]
D (mocking as he watches me put the camera strap over my head): "You look like a doctor or something, the way you're putting that over your head."
Me: "What? You're the one who told me to always put the strap on so I don't drop it."
D: "Can you hurry it up? I have to get on a conference call."
Me: "Yes! Just hold it kinda tight so the wrinkles don't show so bad......why are you scrunching up your face?"
D: "I don't want my face in the picture."
Like that would ever stop me.
P.S. I'm working on this fine television program next week so I'll be back on Joeycake when I come up for air!