a little bit of gigantic news

Well, what do you know? In the best turn of events ever, I am pregnant. Miracle-style, after four years of trying and all we've been through, we were days (moments?) away from beginning an overwhelming, invasive, extensive, expensive hormone protocol for IVF and I got knocked up naturally the cycle before.

It really took me some time to wrap my head around it. For a while, I was in this surreal limbo. I had to keep reminding myself that I was Pregnant(!!) and also not Not Pregnant. There was a ton of momentum in that Not Pregnant story. And then poof! That story was finished. It shifted my perspective on all the other areas in my life where I've felt stuck. It ignited my faith in a visceral way that I've never experienced. Things can feel for so long like they're never gonna change and then one day, before your very eyes, they do. And then you gotta go get yourself a new story. 

It was two days after I found out about my pregnancy that we learned about Lena's cancer and within two more weeks she was gone. The timing was not lost on me. It was like she waited until we had this imminent new love before she chose to make her transition. My tag-team beloveds: one coming, one going. And as tumultuous as it was during that time, having new life inside me and this upcoming adventure to anticipate was a blessing of a diversion from my pain over losing our sweet Lena girl.

As if my heart wasn't open before, now it's a wide-receiver. The littlest things touch me and bring me to instant tears. It's like the nail salon post times a million. I have so much to say about all of my experience so far but for now, I think I'll just leave it here. Except to say thank you so much for all of your support and love that were part of getting me to this now moment. Now: pass the kleenex, would you?

xoxoxo

jolie

"Faith is a place of mystery, where we find the courage to believe in what we cannot see and the strength to let go of our fear of uncertainty." -Brené Brown

P.S. Keeping in line with new beginnings, our baby BOY is due to arrive New Year's Day, 2015:)