I should get an Emmy for the brilliant acting I do at the Drycleaners. When they start sorting through my pile, sticking that stain-tape all over every single one of garments, I feign utter ignorance.
"Huh," I'll say, squinting as the Drycleaner Lady rips more tape off the roll to stick it near a grease spot. "I have no idea what that is."
Even though I know it was me who sat a leaky buttered popcorn on her lap and it was me who dipped her elbow into balsamic vinaigrette and it was me who backed her ass up against a frosted layer cake (don't ask) and then tried to blot it off with a dirty-ish kitchen sponge.
They're very decent drycleaning people who go along with my lies. They don't even charge me extra for all the stain-tape I require.
Today I proudly shuffled in the door with a sweater to be cleaned, feeling super cocky that I didn't need to
lie act for once as it was actually STAIN FREE! Glory Hallelujah! As the Drycleaner Lady typed in my phone number I made idle chatter:
"Some weather we're having, huh? It's beautiful out there!"
"Uh huh," she said, distractedly as she started sorting.
I wanted to tell her it was STAIN FREE but decided to act cool and let her discover for herself.
"Oopsie," she said. "Looks like chocolate."
"Yeah, I don't think so." My cool was slipping away.
"Look," she said, holding it up.
"Here. You spilled it down the inside! Bravo."
So it turned out to be a good performance after all.
And: I need to buy some of these.
Salty, Sweet, Spicy, Savory Bar Nuts
Union Square Cafe, NYC
makes 2-1/4 cups
These nuts are so freaking delicious that it'll be worth it even if, after eating a handful, you wipe your hands on your silk shirt. A caveat: you shouldn't make them if you're not willing to live with having eaten the whole batch. They're even better with a cocktail.
2-1/4 c pecans (or any assorted mix of nuts you enjoy)
2 T coarsely chopped fresh rosemary leaves
1/2 t cayenne pepper
2 t dark brown sugar
2 t Maldon or other sea salt
1 T unsalted butter, melted
Preheat oven to 350F. On a rimmed baking sheet, toast the nuts for about 10 minutes until golden and fragrant, being careful not to burn. (It's hard to tell when pecans turn "golden" but 10 minutes is perfect--when you can smell them, they're done.) Meanwhile, in a medium bowl, combine the rosemary, cayenne, sugar and salt. Add the melted butter and mix well. Toss the nuts in this mixture until evenly coated and serve warm.