carolyn jenkins

I'm at a loss.

Last Sunday my sweet 92-year-old Grandma passed away.

When I heard the news I immediately felt relief for her as she was bed-ridden in Assisted Living for the last 18 months of her life. And she was never the same after she lost her husband and love, my Grandpa, in 2005. They were two peas-in-a-pod, living for over 60 years in the same cozy house and it was heartbreaking to see her without him. While newly alone she took a hard fall, breaking a leg and her health deteriorated sharply afterward. Eventually she couldn't live at home anymore, an even harder fall. She wore his wedding band on a chain around her neck and every time I talked to her she'd say "I miss Grandpa so much." and "Jolie, I'm never going home again." She sounded like a little girl.

So I feel relief that she's free of her pain, both in body and in heart. I hope she and my Grandpa are spirits swirling together, reemerged in pure joy. That gives me such comfort.

All week I've been trying to put my feelings to words about her and her life and how she touched and influenced me. From the perspective of my 30s self, I see her imprint in so many ways.

Bear with me as I find the words.

Love,
Jolie