blueberry oatmeal muffins and a gripping story about curtain shopping

Part of my pregnancy-induced nesting mayhem this past week involved scouring Los Angeles for the perfect new bedroom curtains (natch). After doing loads of reconnaissance online and finally making a curtain decision, I called a Pottery Barn store near me to see what they had in stock. I got a busy signal around 19 times, so my giant belly and I decided to go and see for ourselves. When I got there I fought the urge to ask them if their phone was off the hook. Or if they had a teenaged employee hogging the line.

I bee-lined for the drapes, immediately found what I wanted, and was promptly greeted by a saleslady whose cheer was surprisingly impressive.

"Hi, hon! How can I help you?" She asked.

"Yeah, hi. I need two panels of the 96" white sheer linen drapes," I said, pointing to the drape display in case she didn't understand words.

Her face twisted like she smelled rotten garbage.

"Oooh. I think we're out of those. Want me to check for you?"

"Yes, please." 

Using a metal cane, she hobbled out from behind the counter wearing a giant foot cast.

"I'll just go check in the back, hon. Give me a sec," she said.

"Step on it," I said.

She froze. The garbage face was back again, but this time much stinkier.

"Excuse me?" 

"Oh, God, no. I am so sorry. I was just kidding," I backpedaled. And then for good measure: "I hope your foot's okay."

She didn't crack a smile. This is when I became sure her cheer was false.

"I'll be right back," she grumbled.

At least 47 minutes elapsed. Then she slowly hobbled out from the storeroom and back to her counter.

"Just as I thought: we're out," she said.

"Shoot. How about another store close by?" I asked.

She stared and sighed. And then reluctantly clickety-clacked on her computer with her acrylics.

"Looks like the whole district's out," she said.

"That sounds serious," I said.

She didn't reply.

 "Well, can't I just order them online?" I asked.

More hostile clickety-clacking. If she got sick of Pottery Barn she'd make a great ticket agent at the airport.

"Nope. Says here the whole country's out," she said. 

"What? The entire country is out of white sheer linen drapes?" I asked.

"'Fraid so," she said, the tiniest smile forming on her thin lips.   

Just then, another customer sauntered up to counter to purchase some Halloween plates. She eyed Stink Face's bulky cast.

"Oof. Ouch! What'd you do? Break your ankle?" She asked, pointing to it.

Stinky was done. She sighed deeply and didn't attempt to hide her irritation.

"No," she snapped. "Just above the ankle."

Halloween Plates didn't take the hint. She pressed on.

"How the heck didja do that?"

"I slipped on my porch," said Stinky, stone faced.

Halloween Plates shook her head and whistled slowly.

"Been there, done that," she said, looking to me like haven't we all?

I didn't answer. There was a long pause while Stinky rang up Halloween Plates's Halloween plates.

"Well. Thanks anyway," I said as I backed toward the door. "Good luck with your foot."

Stinky gave me one more small stink eye. Then I nodded to Halloween Plates.

"And Happy Halloween."

No one will give you a stink face if you bake them these muffins. Warm baked goods pretty much guarantee zero stink faces. You can quote me on that.

Blueberry Oatmeal Yogurt Muffins
yields 12

Using yogurt helps keep these deliciously moist and adds a little tangy zip. Sprinkling turbinado sugar and a few oats on top before baking gives these babies some nice sweetness and texture. And feel free to use a mixture of berries instead--raspberries are particularly great. This is the perfect use for frozen fruit and you can just mix it in without thawing.

3/4 cup all-purpose flour
1/2 cup whole wheat flour
1 cup rolled oats
1/2 cup packed light brown sugar
2 t baking powder
1/4 t baking soda
1/2 t kosher salt
1 t ground cinnamon
1/4 t ground nutmeg
1 egg
6 T butter, melted
8 oz. plain yogurt (you can sub buttermilk here if you like)
1 cup fresh or frozen (don't thaw) blueberries or mixed berries
turbinado sugar and extra oats for sprinkling on top before baking (optional)

Preheat oven to 400F. Spray a muffin tin with cooking spray or line with paper liners. In a medium/large bowl, combine the first nine ingredients. Whisk together and set aside. In a separate bowl, lightly beat the egg. Add the yogurt and melted butter and mix well. Add the wet ingredients to the dry, stirring just until everything is incorporated. Scoop the batter  into the tins, divvying it up for 12 muffins. Bake for 20 minutes or until a toothpick inserted in the center comes out clean. Let the pan cool on a rack for 5-10 minutes and then remove the muffins, cooling another 20 minutes. Serve warm.

You can also bake muffins now and freeze them for later. Here's how.

Happy Weekend, loves!
xoxo
jolie

P.S. I'm not even a mother yet and I find this tumblr site to be amazingly funny:)